


Miles To Go

by LostyK



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Rejection, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29087037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostyK/pseuds/LostyK
Summary: After taking a gap year before college, Virgil expected to be joining his friends on campus in August. When he gets a rejection, however, he finds himself faced with the idea of being alone for the next four years.His friends show him that he won't be alone.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective, TSS Fanworks Collective Discord: January Remix Challenge!





	Miles To Go

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Milestones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696385) by [Hit_or_Mish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hit_or_Mish/pseuds/Hit_or_Mish). 
  * In response to a prompt by [Shadowling-guistical (Hit_or_Mish)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hit_or_Mish/pseuds/Shadowling-guistical) in the [tss_fanworks_collective_discord_january_remix_challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/tss_fanworks_collective_discord_january_remix_challenge) collection. 



> This is a remix of the fic Milestones by the wonderful Mish, do make sure to read that fic, this one will make a lot more sense if you do. I hope you enjoy, Mishii!
> 
> All information about American universities (including the names of the ones I used) comes from rapid googling as I editted this, so please excuse any mistakes.

**_Dark And Stormy Is Online_ **

**_Dark And Stormy:_ ** _I didn’t get in_

**_Several people are typing_ **

**_Dark And Stormy:_ ** _It’s cool, guys. It’s not a big deal/_

**_Dark And Stormy Is Offline_ **

Virgil’s phone buzzed on his desk, but he ignored it. He was sat on the floor, back resting against the side of his bed, and staring at the wall. He didn’t have to check his phone to know that it was one of his friends messaging him, the way they had been for the past three days, since he’d gotten that letter.

It was unfair on them, to ignore them the way he was. To leave their messages on read. He was being selfish, the way he so often was.

But if he he saw them, he’d only be able to think about how he wasn’t one of them. Wasn’t smart like them, wouldn’t be spending the next three years with them. That he wasn’t good enough.

And chances were, they’d realise that, too. They’d probably try to hide it, of course, because they were his friends and they’d never want to hurt him. But then they’d look at him – with pity, yes, and also condescension – and Virgil would know how they felt.

So Virgil spent his time holed up in his room, only leaving when his parents insisted he go down for dinner, or when Remy or Thomas needed him. He even managed to get up in the mornings, instead of staying in bed and sleeping until everything was different.

Footsteps pounded up the stairs, and his bedroom door flung open. Virgil didn’t bother to look to see who it was; Thomas knocked.

“Go away, Remy,” he said.

“Virgil.” That wasn’t Remy.

Virgil turned around, even though he knew who it was; he’d recognise their voice anywhere. Patton was hovering in the doorway, Roman was close behind, peering around him, and Logan was in the hallway behind them.

“What are you doing here?” Virgil asked.

“Remy let us in,” Patton explained. “We wanted to talk to you.”

“You don’t need to,” Virgil said. “I’m fine.”

Someone scoffed. Virgil was pretty sure it was Roman.

“I _am_ ,” Virgil insisted. “I figured this might happen.”

“It’d be okay if you weren’t fine,” Patton said gently.

Virgil shrugged, staring at his grey floor.

“Alright then,” Roman said. He pushed past Patton into Virgil’s room, and flopped down on Virgil’s bed. Patton and Logan looked horrified.

“What are you doing?” Virgil asked.

“What does it look like?” Roman said. “I’m relaxing.” He grabbed a pillow and threw it at Virgil. It would have hit him in the face, if he hadn’t raised an arm to block in time.

“Hey!”

“Well, you’re not being a good host.”

“I’m not _trying_ to be a good host,” Virgil snapped.

“Roman, be nice,” Patton scolded.

“Why?” Roman asked. “He already said he’s fine. Unless that was a lie?”

Virgil bristled. “I am fine,” he insisted. “Do what you want, I don’t care.”

“Still a terrible host,” Roman sighed. “You haven’t even invited us to sit down.”

Virgil gritted his teeth. Roman had that annoying smirk on his face, the one that still infuriated him after years of friendship. One eyebrow was raised in a challenge.

Well, fine. If that was the way it was, Virgil would rise to the challenge.

“Patton, Logan, why don’t you sit down?” he asked.

Patton and Logan perched on the edge of the bed. It made for an awkward position, as they had to twist around to look at him, and Virgil was sat on the floor. But he refused to stand up and give Roman what he wanted.

Look, it might just be a molehill, but it was the one he planned to die on.

“How are you feeling, kiddo?” Patton asked.

“Fine,” Virgil said, like a broken record.

“Well, I can see your vocabulary is in order,” Roman said. “Come on, can’t you come up with something better than that? Jocular? Ecstatic? Euphoric?”

“Blissful,” Virgil said, deadpan, and Roman smiled, delighted.

Logan cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you again, Virgil. I admit, it’s been… different, not having you around.”

“It’s good to see you, too,” Virgil admitted. “Sorry for ghosting you like a dick.”

“Your reaction was perfectly understandable, considering. You have no need to apologise.”

Considering. Right. Considering the fact that Virgil had failed, that Virgil wasn’t good enough.

Virgil sighed. “Can we not talk about it?” At his friends’ looks, he added, “I know, I know, we’ll need to talk about it eventually. Just… not today?”

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Patton said gently, _too gently,_ like he was watching a soufflé about to collapse. “Not today.”

“Well then,” Roman declared. “I propose we do something _interesting_. Disney marathon, anyone?”

They held the Disney marathon. A few days later, Patton insisted on them having a picnic, because it was such nice weather. A few days after that, Logan invited Virgil to visit a museum.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what they were doing. Even when they weren’t trying to get him out of the house, one of them was always online ready to chat, or on the phone. With the amount of time they were spending around him, they must have been putting off their own lives.

On Thursday, Logan showed up at his door with his laptop and textbooks.

“Do you mind if I study here?” Logan asked.

Virgil shrugged, and let Logan in. They ended up in Virgil’s room, even though Logan normally insisted that they worked on the dining room table, because studying in a bedroom was detrimental to both focus, and a healthy sleep schedule.

(Roman had once told Virgil that Logan would study anywhere, and that he regularly stayed up until 5 am doing so)

Virgil and Logan would often hang out in near-silence, both of them doing their own thing. Usually, Logan’s presence allowed Virgil to focus more than he could alone.

Today, Virgil decided to read while Logan studied, but after a few pages realised the words didn’t seem to be sinking in. He decided to switch to drawing, instead, but his sketchbook was buried somewhere under the pile of stuff that was on his desk.

Perhaps it was time for him to tidy it; too much junk always put him on edge, made him worried he wouldn’t be able to find something he needed.

“Do you want assistance?” Logan asked after Virgil spent a few minutes just standing in front of the desk.

Virgil shook his head. “You’ve got your own thing to do,” he said.

“I have been studying for an hour,” Logan said, and huh, Virgil hadn’t realised that much time had passed. “It’s time for me to take a break.”

Virgil had seen Logan study for longer than an hour without a break, usually insisting that he didn’t have time, and no, Patton, he didn’t need to stretch his legs. So it seemed like too much of a coincidence that he wanted to get into the habit now.

“Of course, if you don’t want me to, that’s perfectly fine as well,” Logan added, and oh shit, Virgil hadn’t responded when he should have, had he? “I understand if you don’t want someone else looking through your belongings.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “You’re not _someone else_ , Lo,” he said. “You just- don’t need to put stuff on hold for me.”

Logan looked confused. “I already told you I was going to take a break anyway.”

“I’m not just talking about studying.”

“Ah,” Logan said. “Well, in that case, I assure you, no one is ‘putting stuff on hold’ as you say. You are our friend, and we enjoy spending time with you. And right now, you need some extra support.”

And the thing is, Virgil got that, he did. He understood that friends helped each other; he’d go to the ends of the Earth for his friends, if they needed it. But he also didn’t see the _point_.

Because as much as he hated to admit it, hated to even _think_ it, in a year’s time, they probably wouldn’t be friends. They all had their own stuff they were doing, were all moving ahead with their lives, and Virgil was stuck here, where he always was.

Already, there were things Virgil had been missing out on – inside jokes he hadn’t been around for, references to stuff that had only happened to the three of them. It had bothered him, a little, but back then he’d thought it was only temporary. When one of them complained about how people kept using the Library as a common room, or how bad the food in the cafeteria was on Wednesdays (and only Wednesdays, for some reason), they’d always promised that Virgil would see what they meant, once he got there.

Over time, they’d grow further and further apart. They’d be nice about it, of course, try to include Virgil as much as they could. But one day, they’d realise that there was nothing in common between them anymore. And then, well, they’d probably stop putting so much effort in to keep in touch.

But as much as Virgil didn’t want his friends to waste their time on him, he was also selfish. He wanted to push his friends away and cling onto them with both hands in equal measure.

So he nodded, and said, “If you’re sure.”

Logan nodded as if this had been the expected answer all along. “Well, then,” he said. “In that case, I recommend we start by moving your items off the desk, in order to sort through them.”

It seemed a good enough plan, so Virgil grabbed an armful and put it on the floor. Logan did the same, and before long, they had cleared the desk. Logan sat cross legged on the floor, and Virgil joined him, and together they began to sort through the pile.

Books went to one stack. Random knick-knacks went to another. Stuff for Virgil to throw away created another pile, and stuff that Virgil wasn’t sure if he wanted to chuck or not created a much bigger one.

“Do you want to keep this?” Logan asked, holding up an envelope.

“Uh, who’s it from?” Virgil asked. Most of the letters he had were junk, but he didn’t want to risk throwing away something important. Besides, if it was from the bank, didn’t that mean he was supposed to shred it? Otherwise someone could find it and use it to steal his identity or something.

Logan turned the envelope over to look at the name printed on the front, and frowned. “University of South Florida,” he read aloud, and Virgil’s stomach dropped. “Why is the University of South Florida sending you mail?”

Virgil looked away. He wanted to lie, say it was junk, but Logan deserved better than that.

“It’s uh, my acceptance letter,” he said.

“Your acceptance letter?” Logan asked, and Virgil flinched at the confusion in his voice.

“You don’t have to act so surprised,” Virgil hissed. “Yeah, they accepted me. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Not at all,” Logan said. “Any school should be happy to have you. I merely don’t remember you mentioning it.”

Virgil shrugged. “You were the one who told me to apply,” he pointed out.

_A precaution_ , Logan had called it, pointing out that it was good to keep his options open. Had Logan known that he was aiming too high? Was that his way of telling Virgil to be realistic-

No, Logan wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t have let Virgil believe he had a chance when he didn’t.

“Back in December, yes. I meant that you hadn’t mentioned that you got accepted.”

“I didn’t see the point,” Virgil said. “I’m not going.”

Logan leaned back. His face showed no signs of judgement, or disappointment. “I see,” Logan said. “May I ask why?”

Virgil looked away, picking at the skin around his nails. Logan held something out, and Virgil blinked. It was his fidget cube, something that had ended up in the knick-knack pile.

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking it. He clicked the buttons as he spoke. “It wouldn’t work – me going there, I mean. I don’t know why I thought I could go to college when I could barely handle high school, but I was wrong.”

“I see,” Logan said again. “And what is your evidence for this assumption?”

“Didn’t you hear me? I could barely handle high school.”

“But you did,” Logan pointed out. “And it’s been a year since then, a year which you have spent working on improving your mental health. Why do you think things won’t have changed?”

“I don’t know why,” Virgil said, feeling defensive. “I just know, okay?”

“And why is that?” Logan pressed, and Virgil knew that he was just trying to help, trying to talk Virgil though his feelings, but it made him feel like he was cornered, pushed to the edge of something.

“Because you won’t be there,” he blurted. “Okay? It’s different because I won’t have you guys.”

Logan stilled, and Virgil looked away, embarrassed by his outburst. The clicking of the fidget cube was the only sound.

“I see,” Logan said.

“Good,” Virgil said flatly. “So let’s just forget this-”

“Actually,” Logan said, “I think you’re wrong.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “It’s my life,” he pointed out. “You can’t just say I’m wrong about it.”

“I can, and I have, many times. But please, prove me wrong. Explain to me why you feel that way.”

Virgil sighed. He was pretty sure this was some kind of trap Logan was pulling, but he couldn’t see a way around it. “You guys help,” he said. “You make things easier. And, if I go there, I’ll be alone again.”

“And that is where you’re wrong,” Logan said. “Virgil, we won’t stop talking just because we are going to different schools. In fact, surely this year has already shown the ways in which we can keep in touch.”

“It’s not the same,” Virgil argued half-heartedly.

“No,” Logan said, “It’s not. But you will still be able to talk to us. Still be able to share your struggles. We were already willing to help you prepare, this won’t be too different.”

Virgil shrugged, staring at the fidget cube.

“Besides,” Logan added. “Remus attends that school. You won’t be completely alone.”

That was true. It had been the main reason for applying, actually, because Roman mentioned that Remus enjoyed going there. Virgil and Remus weren’t exactly best friends, they’d been around each other through Roman enough to get to know each other.

“If you truly don’t want to go, then don’t,” Logan continued. “There are options beyond university. But think about _why_ you don’t want to go.”

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “I will.”

He wasn’t sure if Logan believed him. Wasn’t sure if _he_ believed himself. But Logan just nodded and said, “Very well. In that case, I propose we start a pile for important documents. Now, we should continue sorting through the rest.”

Logan didn’t bring up the letter again for the rest of the visit. After he was gone, Virgil sat on his bed, turning the envelope over in his hands. He could throw it away and forget about it. Tell Logan that he’d already made up his mind. Roman and Patton would never even know he’d received it.

But Logan’s words kept rattling around in Virgil’s head. The thought of _what if he failed_ was scary, but somehow, the thought of _what if he didn’t_ was terrifying.

His phone buzzed. Virgil reached other and picked it up from where it was on the bed next to him. A message to the group chat – Patton, sharing a photo of a dog that he’d seen.

He might lose them, but then, he might lose them anyway. Being at a different school to them instead of being stuck at home wouldn’t make that much of a difference.

In the end, it took him a week to make up his mind. Or rather, it took him three days to make up his mind, and the other four were spent second guessing his decision. He was glad when Roman insisted that they all meet up, for the distraction if nothing else.

Except he couldn’t focus on what the others were talking about. Not when he knew that he needed to tell them.

And he did know, somehow, sitting there with his friends, the best parts of him. For once in his life, he had to be brave.

“Hey,” Virgil said, interrupting Roman and Logan’s bickering over something. “Uh, I have something to tell you guys.”

The attention was on him immediately. Patton was smiling encouragingly, Roman looked interested, and Logan – well, Logan looked like he knew what Virgil was going to say. Dick.

“So, uh, remember how I applied to the University of South Florida?” Virgil asked. The others nodded, and Virgil wondered what they were thinking, whether they were braced for good news or bad. “Well, I got in. So I’m going there next year, I think.”

There was a heart-beat of silence while Virgil regretted everything, and then Patton screamed.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, when everyone turned to look at him. “I got excited.”

Virgil laughed, and just like that, the floodgates opened. Patton pulled Virgil into a hug, and whispered, “I’m so proud of my dark strange son.”

Virgil was able to escape from Patton, only to be grabbed by Roman. “I’m glad that one school is able to see sense,” he said. “Even if it is _my brothers_.”

Roman released him, and Virgil turned to Logan, who nodded at him and said, “I’m glad to see you made the right decision for you.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and held his arms out. “Come over here and hug me,” he said.

Logan did, which Virgil had known he would, because for all Logan liked to pretend he was above such things, Logan enjoyed hugs and touch as much as the rest of the group.

When they were done, Virgil pulled a face. “Look,” he said, “I’m gonna be honest, I’m kind of terrified about this.”

The others frowned but none of them spoke, waiting for him to continue.

“Like, I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve never even seen the campus, and choosing a major? Guys, I can _barely_ decide what movie to watch when we’re together.”

“We can help with that,” Logan said.

Roman nodded. “I’ll get Remus to tell you everything you need to know.”

“And if you ever need anything, you know we’ll be there,” Patton added. “I’m sure between the three of us, one of us will be able to help.”

“Yes, should you need us,” Logan said. “But you’re stronger than you think.”

Virgil wasn’t sure if he believed _that_ , but he was able to convince himself that, with his friends besides him, he might be able to get through this.

He talked to Patton about his fears, about not being sure if he’d be able to manage. Patton listened the whole time, and then together they went on the college’s website to look at the mental health services available.

He asked Logan for help picking classes, and Logan arrived having read through all the course information available online. Together, they talked about what Virgil was interested in and what he wasn’t, what kind of course load he could handle, and how much he needed to take in his first year.

With a few days to go before he left, Virgil sat in his room, staring at the boxes he’d brought ready to pack things up. His items were thrown messily all over the room, and he wasn’t sure where to begin. Something about packing felt all too final, like it meant he was finally moving away from his house and his friends and his brother.

His phone buzzed, a message from Roman. _If ur panicking about packing, go to the front door_.

Virgil rolled his eyes but still did what the message said, wondering what kind of dramatics Roman was up to. When he pulled the front door open, Roman quickly stepped inside.

“What are you doing here?” Virgil asked.

Roman blinked at him, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m here to help you pack.”

“How do you even know I need help?”

“Please,” Roman said with a wave of his hand. “You were sitting in your room freaking out about it. I came to help.”

Virgil scowled. “You don’t know that.”

“Am I wrong?”

Virgil said nothing, and led the way upstairs.

Roman’s method of organising was a lot more chaotic than Logan’s. Several times he’d grab some random object and insist that Virgil _had_ to take it with him. Each time Virgil dutifully put it in one of the boxes, and then when Roman got distracted by something else, he snuck it back out again.

Soon, though, Virgil was done. He was packed, he’d decided what classes he wanted to enrol in, and he’d emailed the counsellor to book an appointment. The only thing left to do was leave.

He watched cartoons with Thomas. He and Remy walked to Starbucks together, and Virgil listened as Remy told him about all the gossip in his school. He went to the park with his friends, the place they’d gone to hang out in for years. That evening, he and his parents stayed up and talked. He told them about his plans, and they told him how proud of him they were.

The next day, Virgil had just finished getting dressed when someone outside honked their horn. Remus had arrived with his car, a boy Virgil didn’t recognise was with him.

“This is Janus,” Remus said as Virgil led them to his room. “You’ll like him, he’s cool.”

Janus, it turned out, had been Remus’ roommate last year. He had also taken a few of the classes Virgil planned on taking, and promised to help Virgil out if he needed. Somehow, though, when it was time to move all the boxes from Virgil’s room to Remus’ car, Janus ended up being busy talking to Virgil’s parents.

(Virgil’s parents would spend weeks after talking about how wonderful that Janus boy was. By this time, Virgil would know Janus well enough to see the irony)

And then Virgil hugged his family and said goodbye for the last time, wiped away the tears before Remus or Janus could see, and climbed into the passenger seat of Janus’ car.

His hoodie now had a small enamel pin reminding him to ‘ _stay pawsitive’_ , and in his pocket was the familiar weight of a small journal. He had a red ribbon tied around his wrist where no one would see, and a phone full of messages from his friends.

As they drove, Remus and Janus told him about the school; tips for the best places to study, complaints about some of the teachers, and stories that, if Virgil hadn’t known Remus for years, he would have been certain were made up.

He might not have been where he’d planned to be, or where others around him were, but he was beginning to realise that maybe the place he was in wasn’t so bad after all.


End file.
